No, no, nails.

This picture shows you my nails at a length that is absolutely intolerable: nails

They may not look long to you (especially you hoochie-mamas that love the long nails), but I absolutely cannot STAND my nails being this long.

The problem is, they sort of sneak up on me, and then all of a sudden I'll realize how long they are and I go nuts---I LOSE MY MIND.  Then I start freaking out because I realize I just got to work and I have another 8 hours to go until I can rush home and clip the suckers (and I never carry clippers with me because I also have this weird thing where I don't want to clip my nails anywhere but at home and over a garbage can).  And, because God has a cruel sense of humor, I inevitably will be doing something that will bend my nail backwards...NO, NO, NO.  I'd rather watch The Titanic while listening to an equally long audio montage of all the instances of Britney Spears' oddly-accentuated "bab-ay, bab-ay"s from her songs.

I have many squeamish, strange phobias similar to this one...some of which you, my alleged friends, have taken advantage of.

And I've got your names on a list.